


turn the lights off, carry me home

by ephemeraldt



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Friends to Lovers, background singji and yura, poor communication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:55:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28894737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ephemeraldt/pseuds/ephemeraldt
Summary: Siyeon kisses the cheerleading captain. Bora can't stop thinking about it.
Relationships: Kim Bora | SuA/Lee Siyeon
Comments: 27
Kudos: 238





	turn the lights off, carry me home

**Author's Note:**

> this is the product of a random, hot-flash need to write dumb high school suayeon. enjoy!

Bora’s world ends on a Saturday night at a party. Or that’s the way it feels. One moment, she’s dancing with a handsome stranger who has his hands all over her body, wondering if she should kiss him or tell him to fuck off. The next, she’s watching Siyeon stick her tongue down the throat of the cheerleading captain. 

“I didn’t even know Kim Minji liked girls,” Bora says, later that night, when they’re walking home. Walking because Siyeon lives close enough and they’ve both had a little too much to drink. Also, Bora doesn’t have her license yet, so driving wouldn’t be an option even if she was sober. 

Siyeon just shrugs nonchalantly in response, which is really annoying. Objectively, it’s probably the noble thing to do, “don’t kiss and tell” and all that. It still pisses Bora off. 

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” 

“Nothing to say,” Siyeon says. “It’s just a kiss. You kiss people all the time.” 

“Not all the time.” 

“You kissed, like, three people tonight.” 

Bora doesn’t have anything to say to that, because if her foggy memory serves her correctly, Siyeon is right. But she’s Bora. Everyone knows what she’s about. Siyeon doesn’t kiss people. Siyeon stands in the corner and talks about shit like the meaning of life to whoever will listen. Sometimes Siyeon will dance, if she gets drunk enough. But hookups aren’t and have never been her thing. Until now, apparently. 

They walk in silence for a few minutes. Then, Siyeon cracks a joke about whatever Lee Yubin was wearing, and Bora laughs, loud into the night. And everything feels fine again. Bora almost thinks she’s over it. 

And then they’re falling asleep, Bora on the right side of Siyeon’s double bed like always, and when Bora closes her eyes, she sees it again. Siyeon making out with beautiful Kim Minji. The scene is like a car crash. She can’t pull herself away, no matter how much she wants to. 

Bora always knew Siyeon would be by her side, forever and ever. That’s the promise they made when they were freshmen, high for the first time in Siyeon’s room, staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to her ceiling. 

“We’re so different,” Siyeon had said, exhaling smoke. “But we’re also...the same. You know?” 

“I get it,” Bora says. Because she does. They don’t need a lot of words for things to make sense between the two of them. They just get each other. 

The first time they met was back in middle school, when Siyeon moved to town. She was the new kid, out of place with her big black boots and shaggy haircut. They sat next to each other in history class, and Bora was nervous at first. For a few weeks, they didn’t talk at all. Then, one day, Siyeon came to the lesson looking extremely uncomfortable. About fifteen minutes in, she was wiggling back and forth in her seat. 

“Do you have to go to the bathroom?” Bora whispered, ignoring whatever the teacher was saying about Egyptian family structures. Without looking at Bora, Siyeon nodded. 

“If you raise your hand, they’ll let you go,” Bora said. Siyeon replied by muttering something unintelligible under her breath. 

“What is it? I can’t hear you.”

“I don’t know where the bathroom is.” 

“You don’t...you don’t _know_ where it _is?”_

Siyeon looked up, eyes sharp. “That’s what I said, isn’t it?”

“Haven’t you been going to this school for weeks now?”

Siyeon shrugged. “No one ever told me.”

 _Yeah, but you could have asked someone,_ Bora thought. But she didn’t say it. Despite the way Siyeon was crossing her arms over her chest, trying to look tough, her cheeks were pink with embarrassment. Besides, Siyeon was technically asking someone right now, sort of. 

So Bora raised her hand. “I have to go to the bathroom,” she said. It was a lie, but a noble one.  
  
“Sure, Bora, go ahead,” the teacher - Bora can’t remember his name - said. 

“I want Siyeon to be my buddy.”

“Very well.” 

Bora would never forget the grateful look Siyeon shot her as they both rose from their chairs to leave the classroom. She didn’t think Siyeon’s eyes were capable of holding that much warmth in them. 

The next day, Siyeon showed up to history class holding a square-shaped envelope. “It’s a mix CD,” she said. “To say thank you for yesterday.” 

“Aw, you didn’t have to get me anything,” Bora said, but she couldn’t help the grin stretching her cheeks as she took the gift. 

“I picked songs I thought you would like,” Siyeon said. It was a strange comment at the time, because Siyeon hardly knew Bora at all. But when Bora went home and listened to the CD, she found that Siyeon hit the nail on the head. The songs were fast-paced and fun, and she even downloaded some of them. Looking back, Bora sees it as a sign that they were destined to be best friends. They just understood each other. 

By the time they got to high school, Siyeon’s bedroom floor was Bora’s second home, and half of the T-shirts in Bora’s closet once belonged to Siyeon. They’d gone through a series of firsts side by side: Bora’s first kiss, Bora’s first relationship, Bora’s first break-up. Most of the firsts were Bora’s. But Siyeon was always happy to tag along, offering an ear or a hug or a shoulder to cry on. And among all the heartbreak, Bora found she knew what real love was: the love she had for her best friend. 

So Bora loves Siyeon. A lot. She thinks that if the world were fair, everyone would have a Siyeon. She knows she’s lucky to be the one person in the world that Siyeon chose. But she never thought of Siyeon in _that way._

Not until she saw her making out with Kim Minji, and everything started to slide into place. 

On Monday, Bora and Siyeon hang out after school. They share a Coke and ignore their homework, the way they always do, and everything feels normal. Bora lets out a long breath. Maybe the weirdness of Saturday night was just a one-time thing, and her and Siyeon can return to their usual patterns, no harm done. 

“Oh, by the way, I have to leave in half an hour,” Siyeon says. Her voice is casual, but she ignores Bora’s eyes when she says it. 

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing, just seeing a friend.” 

_You don’t have other friends,_ Bora thinks, but doesn’t say it, because that would be mean. Instead, she asks, “which friend?” 

“Minji.” 

Bora sputters, almost choking on her drink. “So not really a _friend,_ then.” 

“Yes, a friend,” Siyeon says. But the tips of her ears are pink. Bora squints. 

“Siyeon, you made out with her.”  
  
“So?”

“So, friends don’t make out with each other.” Bora lets out a loud laugh, and it sounds fake even to her. “I mean, imagine if you and I made out. That would be ridiculous.” 

“Right.” Siyeon starts shoving things into her backpack. “Ridiculous.”

“Siyeon?”

“I’m leaving early,” Siyeon says. “Minji lives kind of far away. I can give you a ride home, if you need one.”

Bora blinks. The whole exchange has caught her wildly off-guard. Siyeon never leaves early, not when she’s hanging out with Bora. “Um, okay.”

The ride home is mostly silent, except for the heavy metal Siyeon blasts through the speakers. Bora leans back in her seat, wondering if she did something wrong.

Siyeon drops Bora off. Bora watches as she drives away, the fuel exhaust from her shitty car creating dark clouds that vanish in the fresh autumn air. She imagines Siyeon pulling up at Minji’s, wherever Minji lives, and swallows.

In the yard next to Bora’s, Lee Yubin is trimming her family’s hedges with comically large clippers. Bora and Yubin have been neighbors for as long as Bora can remember, and despite running in the same social circles, they have never really gotten along. Yubin gives Bora a long stare, not pausing her clipping. 

“What are you looking at, short stack?” Bora yells. 

“I hope you can see the irony in that statement,” Yubin calls out, not missing a beat or giving Bora time to think of a good comeback. 

“Yeah yeah, whatever.” Bora slams the front door behind her, and hopes Yubin can hear it. 

Siyeon calls Bora late that night.  
  
“Look, I just wanted to say...the thing with Minji...we really are just friends, okay? What happened at the party was sort of a fluke.”  
  
“A fluke,” Bora repeats. 

“Yeah. I mean, I like her as a person, and we get along really well. I just don’t see her that way.”  
  
Bora nods, and then remembers Siyeon can’t see her. “Yeah, I get it.” 

“Good. Because I want you to trust me,” Siyeon says. Her voice sounds far away on the other end of the line. “I need you to trust me. You’re my best friend.”  
  
“I trust you,” Bora says. “Always.” 

The thing is, Bora doesn’t stop thinking about Minji after that. 

She sees Minji around school, in her cheerleading uniform, always surrounded by people. Minji was voted Most Popular in the yearbook five years in a row. Bora wonders what someone like Minji would want with someone like Siyeon. Then she gets angry at herself, because of course Minji wants to be around Siyeon. Siyeon is wonderful. Bora knows that better than anyone. 

There’s one time where Bora sees the two of them together. They’re standing in the parking lot, next to Minji’s fancy expensive car. Siyeon whispers something in Minji’s ear, and Minji laughs daintily, her hand over her mouth. 

_Just friends,_ Bora thinks to herself. _They’re just friends._

But it’s still strange, because Bora thought she knew everything about Siyeon. Her likes, her dislikes, her quirks and insecurities and deepest, darkest secrets. This new development with Minji throws everything into uncertainty, because Bora never saw it coming. She finds herself wondering whether she has a right to know who Siyeon is or isn’t friends with in the first place. 

So then Bora has this dream. 

It’s her and Siyeon making out on Siyeon’s couch. The weirdest part is how it’s not weird at all. Bora’s hand is on Siyeon’s lower back, under her T-shirt, and Siyeon smiles against Bora’s lips before moving down to her neck. The edges of the memory are fuzzy, but Bora knows how it felt. It felt good. 

Bora has never thought of Siyeon as a sexual being before. Siyeon is _Siyeon,_ she’s Bora’s best friend. She wears baggy pants and does stupid impressions and falls asleep in Trig. She’s an idiot and a little bit of a loser, and Bora loves her more than anyone. But this is the first time Bora is thinking of her as someone she could kiss. Someone she could more-than-kiss. 

Bora feels a little panicky about the whole thing. Just what, exactly, is she supposed to do with this information? 

Something stupid, probably. It’s all she really knows. 

Bora runs up to Siyeon in the hallway, almost crashing into a set of lockers. “Can you see my bra through this shirt?” 

Siyeon blinks, then glances around, because they’re surrounded by people. Oh, well. She’s Bora, she’s shameless, it’s her thing. 

“No,” Siyeon says. 

“You didn’t even look.” 

Siyeon stops in the middle of the hallway, turns on her heel, and stares pointedly at Bora’s chest. “No, Bora, I can’t see your bra through your shirt.” 

“Okay, thanks. Just wanted to check.” Bora examines Siyeon’s expression, but finds nothing of note. She feels something in her chest collapse, but pushes it aside.

The conclusion is obvious. Siyeon doesn’t feel the same strange attraction towards Bora that Bora suddenly feels towards Siyeon.  
  
It’s probably nothing, Bora thinks. A weird byproduct of watching Siyeon make out with a popular cheerleader. It’ll go away soon. It’s definitely not worth getting all crushed over. She’s Kim Bora, after all. She’ll move on. No questions asked. 

They’re watching reality TV, something about getting married to someone you’ve never met before. It’s really bad, but for some reason, it gets Bora thinking. 

“Do you think you’ll ever get married?” 

“Bora, we’re eighteen,” Siyeon says. She’s typing on her phone, and Bora wonders who she’s texting, and if she’s texting Minji. 

“I bet Minji wants to get married,” Bora says, because it seems like the natural train of thought. 

Siyeon looks up. “What does she have to do with this?”

“Nothing,” Bora says. “She just seems like that kind of girl, is all.” 

“How do you know what kind of girl she is?”  
  
“I know people. I’m not like you.” 

Siyeon raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean, ‘like me’?” 

“It’s just that…” Bora’s voice trails off. She doesn’t know how to say this without it coming across as harsher than she means it to. “You know, I talk to more people than you do.” 

“You don’t know that,” Siyeon says. “I talk to lots of people.” 

“No, you don’t.” 

“Bora.” Siyeon grabs the remote, turns the TV off. “Yes. I do.”

“You don’t, and that’s fine, because you have me,” Bora says. She keeps her voice casual, the way she wants the conversation to be. She wishes the TV were still on, so they could have background noise. 

“Okay, we need to talk about this,” Siyeon says. She sounds angry. When did that happen? “You seem to have it in your head that I don’t have a life outside of you. And yeah, you’re my best friend, but I’m still my own person. I’m not, like, your outcast charity project anymore.”

 _No,_ Bora thinks, _that’s not it at all._ But she can’t find the right words. Siyeon looks genuinely upset, and Bora didn’t mean for this to happen. She didn’t mean for any of this to happen. 

All of a sudden, she can’t be here. “I’m going to leave. I’ll call an Uber.” 

“What?” Siyeon’s brow is furrowed in confusion. “Why can’t we just talk about this like adults?”

“I really have to go,” Bora says. She can’t make eye contact with Siyeon anymore. Guilt and something else burns hot in her chest, and being in this proximity is suddenly the most unbearable thing in the world. 

She leaves Siyeon’s house with her head down. 

When Bora gets home, Yubin is reading on the front porch of her house. It’s almost dark out, and Bora wonders how Yubin can even see the pages. Then a sick, dark lightbulb goes off in her head, and she just doesn’t want to think about anything anymore. She’s more than a little worked up, and she can feel herself slipping into that place where she’s incapable of making good decisions.

“Hey,” Bora calls out. “Short stack. Do you want to come over?” 

Yubin raises her eyebrows so high they reach her hairline. For a second, Bora thinks she’s going to say no. But then Yubin is reaching for a bookmark, carefully placing it in between the pages. “Sure.” 

It’s been a while since Bora hooked up with someone. The last time she did it, she realizes, was the party. The one where she saw Siyeon kissing Minji. 

Yubin is surprisingly good at making out. Bora’s straddling her lap, and she knows she’s kissing angrily, like she wants to purge every bad feeling inside of her and pour it into someone else. But Yubin moves in stride, one hand around Bora’s waist and the other cupping her cheek. They continue like that for a couple of minutes, and then Yubin breaks away. 

“It’s not that I’m not into this, because I am,” Yubin says. “You’re fulfilling about a hundred different childhood fantasies right now. But you seem kind of distant. Is something on your mind?” 

Bora pushes herself off Yubin, collapsing onto the bed. “You’re no fun, you know that?” 

“It just seems like you might want to talk about something,” Yubin says softly. 

“I might have screwed things up with my best friend,” Bora says. She refuses to look at Yubin because, fuck that.  
  
“Siyeon?” 

“Yeah,” Bora says. “I mean, it’s kind of funny. She got mad because she thought I was saying she only had me. But really, it’s _me_ who only has _her._ I mean, without her, I don’t know what I’d do.” Bora shuts her eyes, because she can feel the tears coming, and she refuses to cry in front of Lee Yubin. “She’s the only one who really matters.”

“Do you have feelings for her?”

For some reason, it’s _that_ question, out of all the questions, that gets the dam to break. Bora starts sobbing, and it’s so embarrassing, but Yubin doesn’t laugh, just places a hand politely on Bora's shoulder. 

“I don’t want to lose her,” Bora manages, between sobs. 

“You’re not going to lose her,” Yubin says. “Not with the way she looks at you. Things might change, but that’s a part of any relationship. Nothing stays the same forever.” 

That just makes Bora cry harder. Because Yubin is right, but it’s so hard to accept. Bora always struggles with the hard feelings, the ones that get caught in her throat. But she swallows, and wipes her cheeks, because she knows Siyeon is worth it. And she knows what she has to do. 

Bora glances across the field. It’s now or never. 

The cheerleaders just finished practice and are hanging out by the fence, drinking out of water bottles. Minji is surrounded by her usual fan club, so Bora hangs back, waits until they disperse. When there’s only one or two people left, she approaches. 

“Hey, Minji, can I talk to you?”

Minji looks confused, which is understandable, but makes eye contact with Bora and nods. She turns to her friends. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow, okay?” 

Her friends walk away, leaving Minji and Bora alone. Bora takes a deep breath. “Look. You seem very nice.” 

“Um, thanks?”   
  
“And I think Siyeon really likes you. So I just want to say that she’s amazing. The best person ever. Whatever’s holding the two of you back, it’s not worth it. You should give her a chance.”  
  
Minji’s eyes widen. For a few seconds, there’s complete silence. Then Minji bursts out laughing. It’s some of the loudest, most ridiculous laughter Bora has ever heard. 

“Oh, _Bora,”_ Minji says, playfully swatting Bora’s arm. “You’re so funny. Siyeon and I are just friends, I promise. There’s nothing between us.” 

“But...but you _kissed.”_

Minji shrugs. “I may have had feelings for her at some point. But that was before I realized she was completely and utterly hung up on _you.”_

Bora’s pretty sure the world stops spinning for a second. “ _Me?”_

“Of course you,” Minji says. “Who else?” 

It’s like all the air has been sucked out of Bora’s lungs. She can’t believe she’s still functioning, out here on an athletic field, in this ridiculous state. “You have to be kidding.” 

“Oh, Bora, you really don’t get it,” Minji says, and there’s something in her eyes like sympathy. “It’s you. It’s always been you, and it’s always going to be you. Now stop talking to me, and go get her.” 

Bora still doesn’t know what to believe. But everything in her heart and body is pulling her towards Siyeon. It always has. So she goes.

Siyeon’s bedroom has been Bora’s second home for years now. It only makes sense that they would end up there. 

“Hey,” Bora says, making her presence known. Siyeon is lying on her carpet. The air smells faintly of smoke. “Can I come in?” 

It’s the first time she’s ever had to ask. 

“Of course,” Siyeon says, and Bora feels one of many knots loosen in her chest. 

Bora sits across from Siyeon, cross-legged. She feels oddly proper and out-of-place. Which is weird and unfamiliar, because this is home. This is Siyeon. “So I think I owe you an apology.” 

Siyeon props herself up on her elbows. “Shoot.” 

“I’m sorry I made you feel like you don’t have friends or a life outside of me,” Bora says. “That was really shitty of me. I was scared, and I acted stupid.” 

“What were you scared of?” 

Bora looks down at her lap. “Losing you, I guess.” 

“Why would you ever think you would lose me?” Siyeon asks. “I’m your best friend, remember?” 

“I know. I guess, um.” Bora presses her lips together, unsure how to word this. “I guess I wasn’t scared about losing you in a friend way.”  
  
She braces herself for the rejection. But Siyeon’s gaze remains sharp and almost guarded. “What are you trying to say, Bora?” 

Seriously? Siyeon was going to make her spell it out? Bora feels annoyance creeping up underneath all the nervousness and dread. “I’m trying to say that I...I think I like you.” 

“Don’t play with me.”

“I’m not playing with you!” Bora exclaims. “I have feelings for you, you idiot, and if you-”

Before she can get the rest of her sentence out, however, Siyeon is kissing her. _Siyeon_ is kissing her. Siyeon is kissing her and it takes Bora a moment to respond, but then she does, and they're making out and Bora realizes that no matter how many times she imagined this moment, nothing comes close to the real thing. Her head is pressed uncomfortably against Siyeon's bookshelf, and Siyeon's lips taste like cigarettes, and Bora wouldn't trade it for the world. 

"Me?" Bora asks, later, when they're cuddled up together on Siyeon's bed. "Really?"

"Of course you," Siyeon says, running a hand through Bora's hair. 

"But why?"

"Because you're smart, and beautiful, and funny," Siyeon says. "Because you walked me to the bathroom and you put up with my music and steal all my T-shirts. I don't know. There's lots of reasons." 

Bora turns around so they're facing each other. Traces Siyeon's sharp facial features with her index finger. "Thanks," she says. 

"For what?" 

"For being my best friend," Bora whispers. "And for everything." 

It's not enough. There's more Bora wants to say, things she needs Siyeon to hear. But then Siyeon is kissing her softly, and Bora decides to save them for another moment. 

After all, they have plenty of time. 

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are always appreciated!


End file.
